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The Courage to Be Ordinary: Ichiro Kishimi on Finding Happiness Beyond Comparison
Text | Larissa Lumandan
Photo | Ichiro Kishimi
“Sometimes, the weight of expectation can keep them from performing at their best.” - Ichiro Kishimi
Would we be happier if we could live on our own terms, free from the persistent voice in our heads telling us we are falling behind? What if the endless pressure to achieve, impress and become “someone” is not leading us towards happiness, but quietly taking us further away from it?
For many people today, the fear of being ordinary has become almost unavoidable. We live in a world that rewards visibility and celebrates those who stand out. Success is displayed through career achievements, social media milestones and carefully curated images of a life that appears perfect. Even personal growth has become a competition: who is improving faster, earning more, looking better or reaching goals sooner?
The pressure to be extraordinary
Japanese philosopher Ichiro Kishimi believes this constant pursuit of exceptionalism may be the very thing preventing people from living freely. In his latest book, The Courage to Be Ordinary, Kishimi challenges one of modern society’s most powerful assumptions: that a meaningful life must also be an extraordinary one.
The word “ordinary” is often treated as an insult. It suggests being average, unnoticed or unsuccessful. But Kishimi offers a different interpretation. To be ordinary is not to lack ambition; it is to be free from the exhausting burden of constantly proving one’s value. At the centre of his argument is the idea that comparison creates suffering.
When people measure their lives against others, they enter a competition with no finish line. There will always be someone more talented, more successful, younger, richer or more admired. The desire to surpass everyone else becomes a source of anxiety because the standard is always changing.
Beyond the comparison trap
Kishimi’s solution is not to abandon self-improvement but to change the reason behind it. Growth should come from curiosity, purpose and contribution rather than the belief that we are incomplete. This message feels particularly urgent in the age of social media. Many people wake up surrounded by reminders of what they have not achieved. Others’ successes appear instantly on their screens, creating the illusion that everyone else is moving forward while they remain stuck. The result is a generation increasingly familiar with burnout, self-doubt and the feeling that ordinary happiness is somehow not enough.
True happiness, Kishimi argues, does not come from winning a competition against others because life was never meant to be a competition in the first place. His philosophy is deeply influenced by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, whose ideas focus on human relationships, responsibility and living according to one’s own values. One of Adler’s key concepts is the separation of tasks: the understanding that people cannot control how others judge them. Much of our anxiety comes from trying to manage opinions that were never ours to control.
Finding freedom in the ordinary
However, Kishimi is not suggesting that we should stop dreaming, growing or striving towards our goals. Instead, he invites readers to question why so many of us pursue success while quietly believing that we are not enough. We can still run a marathon, start a business or seek an education. Being enough does not mean settling for less; it means recognising that our worth is not defined by our achievements. Rather than chasing success to prove our value, we can pursue our goals driven by curiosity, passion and purpose.
Perhaps the greatest discovery is realising that who we are today has always been enough.
The Courage to Be Ordinary
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